Ten Months, Too Long: A Letter About Motherhood and Life Lately
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Dear reader,
It’s been ten months since I’ve shared anything on this blog. Ten months, too long. No blogs about Josiah and his cleft journey, no further pregnancy blogs, no baby Abner blogs (though he most certainly is now out of the womb, praise God, and growing like crazy), no ministry related blogs, travel blogs or recipe blogs. Nada.
However, my intent was never to just disappear forever. Life has just happened and if you’re up for the read, I would love to share now what we’ve been up to and a bit about motherhood lately.
Motherhood
I was on a flight to London in late June and I found myself looking around wondering what on earth to do. My husband wasn’t with me, neither were our two young boys and I had a 9-hour flight ahead of me. I remembered I had my leather bound journal and pen on the flight with me in my carry-on, stowed away under the seat in front of me. I reached for it, let down my little table top and figured I’d pen a few words.
As I opened the journal a dried up, pressed flower (hand picked by my toddler for me) fell out of one page and in trying to locate where I left off or where the next clean page was, I flipped through many pages marked with random pen and crayon strokes. Josiah (our 3 yr. old) loves to “color” in my journal. Finally, I located a clean page and began to write in the journal. Something I also hadn’t written on in a while. (I started a “digital journal” a few months back - more on that in another post.)
I chuckled a bit as I turned the page to find yet another “drawing”: a dinosaur I had drawn for Josiah, with his attempt to draw a “rawr” (as he likes to call them) right next to it. My journal is undoubtedly graced by my current life stage - motherhood to two little boys. If I were to have left that journal on the plane and a flight attendant were to skim it to look for clues of its owner, they would know instantly it belonged to a mother. And I think that speaks for life as a whole for me right now.
If you talk to me, you know I’m a mom. If you were to ride in my car with me, you’d know I’m a mom. If you check out my social media platforms, you know I’m a mom. If you look at my recent Amazon orders or Google searches, you’d know I’m a mom. It’s not the only thing about me, sure, but it's a HUGE part of me right now and I know it and I am happy about it and it shows.
While on the plane I wrote this:
“Motherhood. It weighs on me and burdens me, and I don’t mean necessarily in a negative way - although it can be hard and exhausting some days. This has, hands down, been one of my biggest learning seasons yet. Anyway, what I mean by ‘weighs heavy’ is motherhood and my children weigh heavy on my heart constantly. I think of them often, love them so much it brings me to tears in an instant and desire so much for them. I am more and more at peace and content with this season that I am in. Have you noticed, God? Of course you have. You are my Father and I am your child. You know me like I know everything about Jo and Abe. You know everything about me. And even when I struggle to fully surrender to the season you have me in, you are patient with me. What an immense love, the love of the Father. We must constantly weigh heavy on your heart, too.”
I’m happily embracing this season of motherhood to young kids and all it entails without trying to rush past it because I remember praying for this. This season, right here. I remember surrendering what this all would look like one day to God and saying “not my way, but your way, Lord, and your time”. And by the grace and goodness of God, here it is. Marriage, parenthood and ministry: it is beautiful, crazy, rewarding and exhausting all in the same. Yet I’m grateful because I remember praying for this. And now, here it is.
Also, don’t worry, I’ll fill y’all in more on this London trip I hinted at in a couple of weeks, but for now, let’s talk life lately.
Crystal lately…
I am 5 months postpartum, imagine that as the umbrella hovering over the rest of what I share. If I’m being honest, it wasn’t until maybe mid-June that I began to feel a bit more balanced, grounded and okay. Calvin and I have had conversations (and I have also spoken to my doctor) about my postpartum struggles. Postpartum depression/anxiety are REAL. And for me personally,
going from 1 to 2 = HARD. Wowza. Huge learning curve for me. Any other mama out there resonate with that statement? Each day it does get better. But I won’t shy away from telling you I’ve had hard ones too.
I’m grateful to have people I can talk things out with, others who have come to help during recovery and the newborn stage blur, and my husband and my doctor. Now, I do not want to solely focus on that as other things have been good and worth mentioning:
Freelance work - In 2020, I began freelance work, predominately in social media marketing. However, that has now expanded into freelance writing. I have enjoyed it so much! It’s no secret I love to write. Freelance writing has stretched me as a writer and getting paid to do something I love, remotely, and with great flexibility, is a gift. Read some of my writings here!
Travel - I’m a lover of all things road trips, airports and flights. This summer we have traveled more than we had in the previous months. Of course, I was very pregnant and delivered a baby. But getting out more for a change of scenery recently has been much needed. We have road tripped it to visit our parents. My parents are now in Mission, TX, about 5 hours away, and Calvin’s parents are in Lufkin, about 2 hours away. In June, Calvin and I traveled to London! (Full London travel blog post coming SOON.) And in July our Williams side of the family vacationed together at the Kalahari Resort in Round Rock, Texas.
Running and baking - My hobbies are good coping mechanisms for me when I’m in a rut. Since I was spending much more time confined to the house with a newborn, I began to bake more. Cookies, breads or more cookies, I baked! Once cleared to excercise, I began to run again. I’m still at 2 miles tops when going for a run. Longer distances are still hard. So I’m taking it slow and considering a race at the end of the year or early January. Running is so good for me. I like me when I run. I’m mentally in a better place when I run or create things.
Friendships - I’m pressing into friendships more, but specifically pressing into new friendships local to me. In every place I’ve ever lived, I’ve learned of the importance of having people you live life within your local context. We have been in The Woodlands now for nearly two years and it’s an answered prayer to begin to see friendships finally beginning to take form. It takes time, it takes intentionality and effort, but I’m committed to continue on because it changes everything.
Calvin lately…
You know when you read a book and notice most chapters are pretty lengthy, then all of a sudden there’s a short and sweet chapter thrown in? This is that. Calvin’s section will be short and sweet because, well, if you know Calvin, he often is a man of few words. LOL! Enjoy!
Music - In February, Calvin wrote, recorded and released an album he had been working on for two years. It is titled after his late brother’s college football number, 87. It’s available on all listening platforms and linked below.
Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3L8h8PPApple Music: https://apple.co/3rx4eC9
Amazon: https://amzn.to/3GRgunf
If you like what you hear and would like to donate to the production of his next album, you can do so here: https://tinyurl.com/2p8v5psb
Work & School - Calvin is now in year 3 of his PhD and recently had an annual school conference in Bristol (which then led us to me flying out to meet him in London afterwards). At Church Project, he continues to be the Director of House Churches, overseeing the health and growth of all our House Churches while also directing the Church Project Network (other CP church plants in the nation). Calvin has also preached a few Sundays of the year so far and I’ve linked his sermons below:
Living As A Fully Devoted Disciple
And one last final thing… Calvin continues to be the best dad to our boys!
Josiah lately…
Josiah had an incredible first year of pre-k 2’s last year! He attended from September to May and loved it. It has been sweet to watch him be a big brother. He loves Abner so well and serves him so well. He’s mama’s little helper when it comes to all things baby brother. He’s crazy tall and surprises us daily with all he understands, learns, attempts, and says.
Cleft Update - Earlier in the year Josiah had a hearing exam due to fluid in his ears and concern for decreased hearing. His ENT at Shriners placed a more permanent set of ear tubes in during a minor procedure in May. He had a post-op hearing test and passed with flying colors. His ENT and Speech Pathologists worried that the fluid in his ears was contributing to some of the delays in his speech. I will say that over the summer he has talked so much more. The next step is “interviewing” speech therapists in the area as we consider speech therapy for him to help with some of his pronunciation struggles due to his cleft palate.
3rd Birthday - Our #JosiahTheBrave turned THREE on the 21st of June. Some days, I swear he wakes up looking older and taller and my mama heart can’t take it. He continues to LOVE dinosaurs. For his birthday we had an entire Josiah day doing all his favorite things and eating all his favorite things! I have loved watching him grow, make friends and become a big brother. I tell Abner every day just how lucky he is to have Josiah as his older brother. That kid is gold.
Back to School - Josiah will be going back to school in early September for a pre-k 3’s class. The class is for three days of the week, M-W. I LOVED that we decided to enroll Josiah into a preschool. He has truly thrived in so many ways and I look forward to seeing how he continues to in this next school year.
Abner lately…
I’d love to share Abner’s full birth story in a separate blog post. But let me just tell you, it was beautiful, peaceful and exactly what I prayed for. We totally forgot how wearisome those newborn days and weeks can be. Regardless, I tried reminding myself of how fast it all goes by and to cherish every moment.
5 Months & Counting - Abe is 5 months and is a full blown infant! He’s plump and smiles with his whole face. He’s a pretty happy, go-lucky, chill baby! We’re blessed! Abe loves watching his big brother play and has recently noticed Theo (our yellow lab) more and finds him very amusing. His laugh is the sweetest and melts our hearts instantly!
Milestones - Abner started sleeping through the night at about 3.5 months! So we’ve all been getting much better sleep in the last month or so. PRAISE. He also continues to breast feed well and I’ll start introducing some new foods soon. He has also started drooling A TON. Wouldn’t be surprised if we saw a tooth break through soon. As for rolling over, we’re still working on that one. He’s about 3/4 of the way and loves the tummy time!
So those are some of the updates on us! But you all know I enjoy hearing from you all, too.
In a comment below, email, dm, text, or however, let me know how you are! What’s new? How has your summer been? What are you looking forward to this fall? How can I be praying for you?
Thank you for being here. I have very loyal readers and I thank God for you all.
God bless you and keep you,
Crystal
